An open letter to my internet provider...

Dear internet provider (I don't want to get sued here),

I realize you are a small company, and I know I should be greatful you exist. Such a rural area as mine is fortunate to have any internet provider available at all. I thank you, then, for having been founded and managed in my locale.

However, I am chafing under the brutal hold of dial-up internet. Today I posted a blog that contained several pictures, posting it took four hours. Not only does that show my dedication to a bit, it also gives me an excuse for any future psychotic behavior.

I watch television from South Bend, IN. Every day, many, many internet providers spend millions of dollars to try to win my business. They offer to provide me with fast, fast internet for the same price my family pays every month and try to convince me to downgrade to dial up for half of the price we pay. I have called all these companies, e-mailed them, written them letters via the good old fashioned U.S. Postal Service begging them to take my money. Universally, I have been refused.

Here is the reason why.

Apparently, in order for City Folk to pay the low, low price they pay every month for internet that lets them click "buy now" on iTunes one second and listen to their music the next, others of us must wait four or more hours for the same peice of music only to discover flaws in the download because our connection was interrupted so many times.

So, I remain your customer. I appreciate the service you provide, really. I just wanted to take this opportunity, though, to ask you to widen your horizons a little. Instead of adding on to your network in towns like Kokomo, Fort Wayne, Warsaw, or Huntington, who already have access to internet at speeds that allow them to watch videos on You Tube and utilize social networking sites that imbed video and read the news which has to download the whole page all at once instead of one part at a time, so the whole page can't load at all instead of just the pictures like it used to be--Gasp--you could add on to your broadband network out here, in the middle of nowhere.

Out here, you would have a monopoly, which the government would say is a bad thing if they were paying any attention to us out here (which they aren't). You would make tons of money, because you would be able to charge anything you want, and I promise you, people would pay it. I know my brother would get a part time job solely to pay the bill your company would give us. Seriously.

I would sell blood plasma. Or eggs.

Come on, you can do it! You only have to expand your network a couple of miles. Really. Or if you don't feel like running wires, expand the wireless network. I will give you my first born child.

Thank you for your time,

A Frustrated Customer