How hard can finding a pattern be?

I tell you, people, that my life is really hard.

Here is what I want to do: knit a baby sweater.

Why? Because my friends keep deciding to procreate, leading to my need to give them something, and knitters give knitted things when babies are involved.

Why? Shut up, that's why.

But here's the thing. I had (have?) two sweater options. The first is Baby Yours by Stephanie Pearl McPhee (aka the Yarn Harlot) because I saw Rachael's version and realized that it is even more beautiful in person than it is in a tiny jpg on the internet. The other is the Baby Surprise Jacket by Elizabeth Zimmerman. Both are Ravelry links, so sorry non-Ravelers, you'll have to bear with me until I can give you my pictures of these to-be-knitted things.

Elizabeth Zimmerman wrote this pattern a long, long time ago, but it is still super-popular due to the construction of the thing and also its (purported) ease.

Seeing as how it's been around for ages, I figured that somewhere along the line, somebody might have bothered to offer a PDF version of the....

No?

No.

If I get that pattern, it will involve either my purchase of a book or my purchase of a printout of the pattern which will be shipped to my house even though I wouldn't have printed it out at all if I could avoid it because I hate print-outs. I would rather just have it on the laptop.

So, I changed my mind Baby Yours, I decided, would be the sweater of choice. And what did I have to do with that pattern?

You guessed it. I had to buy it (understandable) and then (sob!) have it shipped to my house.

Do you have any idea how much energy it takes, how much resources are wasted, when a person online sells something to another person that is...paper...then insists upon printing said paper themselves, packing it in plastic and then more paper, then putting some other paper and glue onto that paper and giving it to someone else who puts it in a plane, train, or big truck and burns petroleum of some kind all the way across the country (or world, in some instances) for days and days only to arrive at my house so that person or a different one because the paper could have changed hands numerous times by that point just to give it to me?

A lot.

Now imagine another scenario. Someone prints that original paper into a PDF, e-mails it to me when my credit card is approved, then I open it right then and there, print it off if I want to (I don't) or back it up onto something safe and eternal, then I start knitting and theoretically, it takes just an hour or so for this party to happen.

I want to not be waiting for my pattern.

To make matters even worse, I can't find a library within the area I want to drive to that has a copy of one of the EZ books that have the Baby Surprise Jacket in them. No checking out a book for me, no. I have to Inter-Library Loan a copy. And we all know what kind of nightmares that inspires.

Ugh.

I guess I have to finish a second sleeve on a cardigan instead. I hate my life.