What I do when it's slow at work...

Yesterday, a computer monitor died. I was tasked with alerting our office manager, who had to remove it from our inventory. I decided to e-mail her. This was the result:

A computer monitor in the Children's Room was transported by ambulance this morning to the storage room. It received prompt medical attention, but despite a valiant effort, it succumbed to its injuries at 11:45 a.m. Wednesday morning. Although I.T. spokespeople are unprepared to make a comment at this time, our sources inside the Children's Room tell us that the monitor had been under a great deal of stress recently. It lost consciousness while checking out, and library staff was unable to revive it on scene. Our sources also tell us that they had been aware of its failing health for some time.

"It's all pink," one staff member said earlier in the month at a press conference. "It just looks pink for some reason." At that point, she turned the monitor off and on several times, before getting a sweet tea from the break room to calm herself.

Despite the loss, the Children's Room has already found a replacement for the monitor.

"We just couldn't wait," said a Youth Services worker who declined to be named. "His service was greatly appreciated, and we'll miss him very much. But it's the first week of the summer reading program, and we still have to help the kids find books. We just have to keep going. It's how he would have wanted it."

The new monitor has a long record of good service, it's most recent placement being as Polly's Monitor in the staff room. Children's Room staff are hopeful that they can develop a positive working relationship with the new addition. Polly, meanwhile, has hired a new monitor, fresh out of HP School, to fill the void in her office.

"It's a little stiff," said the Youth Service worker who spoke to us earlier. "But it'll get used to how things work around here."

Funeral services for the deceased monitor will be held at the Wabash County Solid Waste Management building and have yet to be arranged. Those wishing to pay respects to the monitor's family and friends can address them to the Children's Room staff. In lieu of flowers, the monitor's family requests a donation in his name to the Wabash Carnegie Public Library.