I Don't Know How To Fashion

Growing up, my mother picked out everything. Even things I hated because  Then I hit junior high, and what I wore was based on what was long enough. Every shopping trip involved countless disappointments, because I am a giant.*

Now I can get pants that are long enough, dresses that are long enough (sometimes), and usually shirts that are long enough! The internet is a miracle, because special ordering something in long or tall is EASY. It is fantastic. I don't have to feel like I'm a Godzilla-style monster compared to all the tiny people in the fitting room around me, the kind of monster that consumes people that small in black-and-white horror movies imported from Japan. I should not feel so tall that I can crush buildings when I'm shopping. I am nowhere near that tall.**

But there is a problem. The problem is that I mostly have no idea how to dress myself. I find clothes that are long enough, I buy them, I carry on. I feel like I don't know how to put together an outfit. Every once and a while I luck out and find something that works. Mostly, that isn't the case. I am a jeans and t-shirt person. I feel incapable of branching out at all.

Case in point: The black jeans.

I have never owned black jeans. I impulse-bought a pair at Old Navy two weeks ago. These ones. They fit well, they look cute.

And I have no idea what to wear them with. Should the shirt be tunic length? Do I have to wear black shoes? What sort of shoes? Should I avoid graphic tees, or should I only wear graphic tees with them? Do I need to have an oversized shirt? And people are wearing brown with black now? What's up with that?!

The result is that I put the black jeans on, stand in them for a while, and then give up.

Will someone just come pick out all of my clothes for me? Please help.

* 1. I love my height. This is a joke. 2. I might not look very tall compared to other people, but for my waist size, I am VERY tall. In junior high, there was not a size anywhere that fit me--today it would be 00 or XS in Extra Long or Tall--and the too-big clothes were STILL too short for me. I was best friends with my belt for years, and I think I wore cropped pants accidentally for most of junior high and high school. People kept asking me if I wanted to be a model. I kept responding "No, because I don't want anyone to ever look at me." This is still true. Never look at me. I will just hide behind this pillar.

** I am just under 5'10". I only feel giant when forced to try on clothes that are basically petite. Don't tell me they aren't. They might not have the "P" on them for petite, but they ARE petite. That is why tiny people can put on dresses and look cute, and I pick my size out from the rack and, if I wore it in public, I would be unable to sit without flashing people. Or stand without flashing people.

Workout Wednesday: Coupons Make Laura Spend All Her Money

I have taken to spending several hours a day on Pinterest, looking at all the fitness pins.

I know that makes me pathetic in every possible way.

I also rant periodically about how cruel it is for people to pin dessert recipes in the health and fitness section. Because that's just mean.

Also I have discovered a giant coupon racket that is making the local sports store possibly thousands of extra dollars per year. You buy something, they give you a coupon (this happened on Sunday with Mum). Then when you come back to use the coupon, you can't, because everything is on sale. But when you check out with your adorable purple running shorts that you're still buying because they're so darn cute (Monday afternoon), you get another coupon. So now you have two. And if you go back again, you'll have THREE. This is clearly a devious plan by said sports store to make me spend any and all available funds on workout clothes and possibly a kettleball weight.

Still, if you want a good deal on exercise-wear, there are two places you should go. First, hit up T.J. Maxx. I love this place. It is fantastic. I found this long-sleeved Nike running top yesterday. These things are usually $70. But I got it for $20. Because that is how much you save at T.J. Maxx.

And, of course, TARGET. They have bright fun workout clothes that are TRENDY while still being inexpensive. But really, I need to stop spending money on workout clothes and start spending it on, I don't know...car repair. That. But like that's going to happen anytime soon.

UPDATE: Monday Evening The adorable running shorts? They are too big. Like, they seem designed for someone who is expecting a child. Which I am not. In fact, they really look like a last-trimester kind of clothing choice. Which would be okay if they were worn by a pregnant person, but I am not a pregnant person. In fact, I am as barren as the desert sands. These look like they have to be maternity shorts, but I checked--they aren't. They are just HUGE. So the shorts are getting exchanged. But who knew I was a small? I mean, REALLY. What kind of vanity sizing is this, Nike? I am a MEDIUM. Sometimes I am even a large, but NEVER a small. Nike is trying to trick me into thinking that my exercise plan is more effective than it really is.

MORE OF AN UPDATE: Tuesday The adorable running shorts went back to the store today. I went to the sports store at lunchtime BEFORE I ate just to increase the possibility of finding the only other pair of the adorable running shorts on the mannequin where they'd been on Monday. They were there. Then I waited while the sports store lady tried to find the other employee, who was a dressing-room key-thief, so I could try on a different pair of running shorts in size SMALL. Still looks strange when I type that...I am a MEDIUM. Normally. Except no. So I tried on Alternate Running Shorts, and the small FIT. I was shocked. Then, sports store lady and I stripped the mannequin down to its skivvies so I could have the adorable purple running shorts in size small, because the mannequin was fortunately wearing a size small and not some other, less me-sized shorts. So I have the adorable running shorts--and they fit me!

Source: google.com via Laura on Pinterest