The Best Thing Ever

I am a hairy girl. Like, not gorilla-level hairy, but I am very pale with extremely dark hair, so I FEEL very hairy, because the hair stands out more on my skin. I remember being a kid at the dunes outside of Chicago and thinking, "Wow, no one else has arm hair as thick as mine," because no one in my family did, except my dad, and he is a man. So yeah. That's fun for you to realize when you're eleven and want to be pretty.

For years I have tried everything to diminish the appearance of hair (bleach, anyone?). I shave my legs, but it does me no good because the root is so dark under my translucent skin, it looks like I didn't bother. I even experimented with at-home mustache waxing, because I thought, "I can do this!" And, "The Internet says shaving makes the hair darker!" But my hands aren't warm enough to melt the wax strip, leading me to put the wax strip under my sports bra, leading my to fall asleep trying to melt the wax, leading to me waking up and wondering how this wax strip ended up in my bra all night.

I am a feminist, and if you don't want to shave, good for you. I wish I could be that kind of person. I really would love to be, but my skin is so sensitive, when my hair (or a piece of grass, or a bit of splinter, or a pine needle) pricks it, I have an allergic reaction. If I grow my hair out, it literally gives me hives. This is loads of fun, I might add. Really. so much fun. You should try it.

Enter my new favorite thing, the epilator.

I got the Braun Silk-epil 9. It has been in my Amazon cart for over a year. I finally clicked "order" when a friend bought one, and ironically, she didn't end up loving it. But the week I have spent ripping all my hair out with the epilator has been the happiest of my life.

It comes with a bunch of stuff. And it is beautiful.

I epilated my legs. They looked hairless. Actually looked hairless. I have never shaved and look like I'd bothered to shave. I have smooth legs for the first time ever. I had a 5 o'clock leg hair shadow by 10:00 AM. Seriously. It is why I stopped wearing shorts. Because the prickly leg thing was so annoying, and then hives would appear. Good times. Really, try being allergic to life sometime.

I said, "What the heck, let's just commit." So I epilated my arms. Oh my goodness. I am planning on installing a shrine to this thing. I haven't had hives in days, except for where the hair on my head hits my shoulders (time for a haircut).

This is amazing. It's like no-benadryl Christmas here.

Epilator review, 13/10. Buy at once.

On My Wishlist This Month

Transitional Clothes

I am not in massive need for any clothing, unlike at the start of summer. This is because, on November 9th, when I was in mourning for humanity, I purged only the summer/spring section of my wardrobe, not the fall/winter, which I had in my closet and not in storage. Still, there are a few bits that I'm loving that I may treat myself to, should they go on sale in the near future.

One, Two

THOSE Shoes

Yeah, I cannot afford the Gucci loafers, nor would I spend that kind of money on shoes if I COULD afford the Gucci loafers. You walk on shoes. They fall apart after a while, no matter how nice you are to them, and eventually, no cobbler or shoe expert can rescue them. I had a pair of boots I wore all through junior high, high school, and college, but when I got in a car accident, they got a scratch in the leather that no one can fix. Bad stuff happens to shoes. Why spend crazy money on them? Instead, buy yourself a plane ticket to somewhere cool. Or buy five pairs of more reasonably priced shoes. Or 20 pairs of cheap shoes. I am Richard Gilmore.

But I like the look, so I've been hunting for shoes that are similar enough to satisfy my shoe-craving without putting me into the poorhouse.

One, Two, Three

I'm leaning toward number one, which has gold hardware, but really I'm spoiled for choice. Loads of brands have done loafers in this style. These are just the first few results I saw on Zappos. Right now you can get them in any color, any pattern, with or without embroidery, vegan or leather, cheap or pricey. It's actually a nice time to shop for loafers. if you're in the market.

Books

Andy Weir has a new book, Artemis coming out in November. John Le Carré's new book comes out September 5th. The Girl Who Takes an Eye for an Eye, which is either book five in Stieg Larsson's Millennium series or book two in the spin off series by David Lagercrantz, depending on how you look at it, is coming out on September 12th. (Unpopular opinion: I actually like the spin off better. I like how Lagercrantz writes a more believable Blomkvist who does not automatically seduce women just by breathing in the same room as them, but that's just me.)

Other Bits

I'm dying for one of these pencils. This notebook is arriving in the mail for me on Monday and has the perfect weight of paper for writing with fountain pens, like this one.

What I'm Loving Right Now

Glossier--This is my new favorite skincare brand. When summer came along, I quickly became sick of foundation. To be honest, I was sick of it for a while. My skin, thanks in part to the glory of my endometriosis medication, has completely cleared up. It looks pretty, not spotty, so I wanted to stop hiding it. Enter Glossier. If you want a high-coverage foundation, their skin tint is not it, but it will blur your skin and even out the tone. Their Priming Moisturizer is wonderful. I use Boy Brow everyday. Cloud Paint is gorgeous in every color. Oh--and I finally found an SPF I wasn't allergic to--Invisible Shield. 10/10, would recommend. If you're thinking about trying them out, here's a link you can use for money off!

A post shared by Glossier (@glossier) on Jun 5, 2017 at 6:46am PDT

Madwell Transport Tote--I've wanted this thing for years. I finally used some store credit and a coupon code to buy one. It is everything I've ever wanted in a bag. I love it for work. I can load up with books to take out to preschools, carry all my knitting at once, and all while looking a whole lot less like a Civil War-Era carpetbagger, laden with all my earthly possessions.

Kindle Fire--Prime Day rolled around and I finally replaced my aged Kindle 2. Oh my goodness. They really made these awesome! My old Kindle could do books, wasn't backlit at all, barely had a battery to speak of, and weighed a ton. This Kindle is light, easy to read in many different lights, and so useful. I've been reading up a storm, and it's brilliant for referencing recipes while you cook. If you don't have a tablet, this is a great (and affordable) option!

My Fitness Pal--Who was getting 1000+ calories from sugar (drinks especially) per day? Not me, no. Couldn't have been me. This app helps you see what foods are killing you. Also I'm never having soda again. Unless I'm under my calorie goal. By a LOT.

Like today. I could have a Coke today.

The only weakness I see with My Fitness Pal is with recorded calories burned by exercise. This app seems to be confused. I use both Nike apps and the app that comes with the gym equipment at the Y , and both list calories burned as the same number. My Fitness Pal either massively overshoots that number (with walking or biking, for example) or undershoots it (with running). It's odd. No idea why. No idea which is right, either, but I tend to side with the other apps, as they agree. Want an accurate calorie count? Try Nike Run Club--Fit Club, if you aren't running.

Podcasts You Should Be Listening To

I've been obsessively listening to podcasts lately. Here is a countdown of my top five:

5. Levar Burton Reads

This one is new! Ever watch Reading Rainbow as a kid? Like getting stories read to you by the chief engineer of the Enterprise? Like stories in general? This podcast is for you. Levar Burton is the best ever and as a child I wanted to marry him. I still would if he showed up and knocked on my door and asked me. But he has a lovely family and should stay with them. I'll just enjoy the podcast.

4. Lore

Lore is new-to-me, and I've quickly downloaded all the episodes so I can catch up. It comes out twice a week and has an Unsolved Mysteries kind of vibe, with freaky creatures, mysterious places, and some truly awful historical stories. The last episode I listened to involved an axe murderer. I will never sleep again.

3. Welcome to Night Vale

I started listening to podcasts after dozens of friends told me to listen to Welcome to Night Vale. Since then, they've released three books (another is on the way), been on countless tours, and reached 110 episodes of great storytelling. It's fantastic and if you haven't listened yet, you should start now. They're on haitus in July (they have to sleep sometime), but will be back for episode 111 in August.

2. Stuff You Should Know

Listening to Stuff You Should Know makes me feel smarter. I put this podcast on whenever I'm working or cleaning and want company. When I spent two months house-sitting, I listened to more episodes than I want to count. Josh Clark and Chuck Bryant cover all kinds of topics from super-volcanoes to stoicism and I always learn something new when I listen. I THINK they're coming to Indianapolis soon--and if that's true, I'm getting tickets.

1. My Favorite Murder

I missed their tour stop in Indianapolis, so let's hope Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff come back soon. These ladies are HILARIOUS. Also they make me afraid to go into the forest ever, which is bad because I live in one. While the idea of listening to stories about murder seems a bit...not normal, turns out it totally is so stop staring at me. I would take a bullet for this podcast. Give Elvis all the cookies. (Subscribe and that will make sense)

We Interrupt This Program...

...to bring you a week entirely consumed by Howl's Moving Castle.

I am not going to admit how many times I've watched the movie this week. I've listened to the audiobook twice now, once last week, once this week. I am rereading the book. It's also possible that I spent an hour Wednesday night going through fanart on Pinterest. That's normal, right? 

Don't answer that. It's normal for Howl's Moving Castle. For some other book, it wouldn't be.

Source: Ozneo

September Favorites

I have so many favorites this month. I tried to narrow it down, really, but I didn't read a book this month that wasn't amazing.

The Girl From the Well. Oh my gosh. I can't tell you how much I loved reading this book.

It was creepy. It was awesome. I LOVE the narrator. Before I finished reading it, I had to check online to see if Rin Chupeco had written anything else before The Girl From the Well OR if she was going to write any more with the same character--or characters. The Girl From the Well is Rin's first book, but I was so happy to find out that yes, she does have another book coming in 2015. I can't wait.

Now you get to watch the book trailer.

See? Awesome.

I haven't read a book this month that I haven't loved, so you get some more recommendations. First, Egg and Spoon by Gregory Maguire, which was Baba Yaga meets The Prince and the Pauper. I immediately sent it home with a friend who HAD to read it.

I just finished Conversion by Katherine Howe. You're going to want to put that one on your TBR list, too. It's a modern-day Salem witch trial, played out in a private girl's school (like Chilton in The Gilmore Girls). There are flashbacks to Salem during the original witch trials. The writing is fantastic, the characters are real and flawed, and I promise you'll love it. Now, if you need me, I'll be reading Katherine's latest.

Now for my non-YA book of the month, Attachments by Rainbow Rowell. This is a love story, but the characters who fall in love do so in UNUSUAL circumstances. I could describe the plot, but I would suck at it compared to the official summary, so you get to read that instead, courtesy of the publisher:

"Hi, I'm the guy who reads your e-mail, and also, I love you . . . "

From the award-winning author of Eleanor & Park, Fangirl, and Landline comes a hilarious and heartfelt novel about love in the workplace.

Beth Fremont and Jennifer Scribner-Snyder know that somebody is monitoring their work e-mail. (Everybody in the newsroom knows. It's company policy.) But they can't quite bring themselves to take it seriously. They go on sending each other endless and endlessly hilarious e-mails, discussing every aspect of their personal lives.

Meanwhile, Lincoln O'Neill can't believe this is his job now- reading other people's e-mail. When he applied to be "internet security officer," he pictured himself building firewalls and crushing hackers- not writing up a report every time a sports reporter forwards a dirty joke.

When Lincoln comes across Beth's and Jennifer's messages, he knows he should turn them in. But he can't help being entertained-and captivated-by their stories.

By the time Lincoln realizes he's falling for Beth, it's way too late to introduce himself.

What would he say . . . ?

My friend (and twin) Kelly loved this so much, I had to read it. Later I found out that our friend Tia had insisted that Kelly pick it up because she'd loved it so much. That means Attachments comes HIGHLY recommended by two awesome ladies. If you don't listen to me, listen to them.

Obligatory adorable fanart of Lincoln and Beth by Irena Freitas. Go see more of her artwork on her website or on her Tumblr! She's amazing.

This month I listened to more Tiffany Aching (by Terry Pratchett), Thud (also Terry Pratchett), Attachments (by Rainbow Rowell, I listened to it and then read it, don't you judge me), and Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones. All are awesome in audio as well as in print.

Benadryl The Gilmore Girls and Lizzie Bennet

I found out last night that Netflix will have The Gilmore Girls available for streaming starting on October 1st. Clear your calendars, everyone. It doesn't matter that I have the series already, I am still excited. For two reasons: 1. More people will be willing to talk about The Gilmore Girls with me at length and 2. I won't have to stand up and change discs in my DVD player anymore.

That is how lazy I am.

I could use all the help I can get right now, because my wasp-stung finger now feels like a piece of overripe fruit, about to break open and be devoured by insects. It itches. It burns. It will not go away.

Yesterday I bought myself a chocolate shake just to make myself feel better.

Today I am taking Benadryl at work and trying to stay conscious while sitting at the circulation desk. I feel weird and floaty. I think I bought lots of tea. I can't remember how much.

It's also possible that we have a drug dealer who has set up shop outside the library.

So instead of writing you a real blog post, I am going to distract you by giving you this:

It is The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, a contemporary re-imagining of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. My friend Kate told me to watch it, and it is hilarious. Usually I ignore modern-day (or any) Austen-inspired offering, but this is so well written that I adored it. You must all watch it.

To get the full story, go here. The characters talked to each other on Twitter, Lydia made videos, and the story got so much bigger than what's in that playlist. Enjoy. While you watch that, I'll be over here trying to convince acquaintances, friends, and loved ones to remove my finger using various household implements. I'll also be watching Emma Approved.

LUSH and Things That Make Life Better

Today you get a completely random blog about LUSH, because it makes me happy and this blog is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship, so I can randomly write about bath and body products if I want to. (Ha. Take that, world at large. I win at something.) I went to LUSH this weekend to pick up refills of things I cannot live without. This is usually a quarterly event during which I spend way too much money and walk away very happy, even if I am poor.* Sometimes Laura needs presents. And the presents usually come from LUSH.

Why do I like LUSH so much? They use natural ingredients. This means I am not allergic to the chemicals inside soaps or shampoos...because there aren't any nasty allergens inside the soaps or shampoos.

Not only that, because their scents come from herbs, fruits, flowers, and the like, I am not poisoned by them. There are still some products I have to avoid, because I'm allergic to nature as well as to chemicals, but there are a huge number of things I can pick up and...use. And after I've used them, I can go on with my life without an asthma attack, rash, chemical burn, sneezing fit, or migraine. VICTORY.

Without further ado, here are the three things from LUSH I can't live without.

1. My favorite soap is Honey I Washed the Kids, which looks like a piece of honeycomb and smells beautiful. I first discovered it on a trip to Chicago with Rachael, and I haven't gone without it for more than a week or two since. It's gorgeous. If someone at LUSH tells me something else smells like Honey I Washed the Kids, I buy that other thing, too (including the Honey Bee bath bomb and Honey Trap lip balm--both of which are awesome). If I could arrange to have everything in my life smell like this soap, I would make that happen. Imagine if library patrons all could smell like Honey I Washed the Kids instead of like stale cigarette smoke, body odor, and filth...what a beautiful world that would be.
2. We have hard water, so I am constantly in search of a clarifying shampoo that can remove soap residue. I Love Juicy is the best shampoo. Not only does it smell like a pack of Juicy Fruit (does anyone else remember how good that gum smelled?), it also does brilliant things for my hair. If you have gross water, I Love Juicy is the shampoo for you. I use it every other wash to keep me from looking homeless--a never-ending struggle--and it lasts forever. The tiny bottle lasted me three months.
3. It took me years to find a scentless lotion. I tried everything. I used something from Neutrogena that went on like wax and kept my hands sticky for hours. I tried a multitude of other products that CLAIMED to be scent-free, but really had a smell. (Stop lying, cosmetics companies. We know when things have a scent. We have noses.) I finally found a hand lotion by Aveeno that has NO smell and actually works. It was a great day for me. But then I got a sample of Sympathy for the Skin, which made me think of a Rolling Stones song, Sympathy for the Devil. And I tried it, and I'm NOT allergic to it. It has a GREAT smell. And it is actually moisturizing. It's wonderful. It smells like happiness. I bought the full-size container on my last LUSH trip, back in June, as my reward for running the 5K without dying. It was like a medal, but useful.

In addition to my soap and shampoo, I tried a lip color this time, Believe. It's a bold pink/orange color and I'm liking it so far. It's matte, but it doesn't feel overly drying. It lasts for ages without reapplying and when it does wear off (after meals) it does so evenly (no bizarre patches of leftover color).

Do any of you have LUSH favorites I should try out? Let me know in the comments!

* Author's Note: For the purposes of this blog entry, please ignore that I spent too much money on bath and body products. It happens to all of us.

August Favorites

I have been crazy busy this month and therefore LISTENING to books instead of reading them. That isn't going to stop me from starting up this series, though. I'm going to feature my Favorite Fiction during the last week of every month. Just try to stop me.

New Release:

The Queen of the Tearling by Erika Johansen

This is the first of a trilogy by Johansen, and it has everything you'd want in a great fantasy. The characters are dynamic and not-at-all cliche. Kelsea, the protagonist, isn't magically good at everything she tries, she isn't suddenly everyone's favorite just because she's queen, and she isn't even a pretty princess. This book actually made it into my TBR list after I read a piece Erika Johansen wrote for BuzzFeed. The Queen of the Tearling happened to be on our new book shelf at the library just waiting for me, so I checked it out. I couldn't put it down. I think that was an annoyance to the people who tried to talk to me this month, because I didn't really want to listen. I read this and then read it again right afterward, which doesn't add to my Goodreads total for the year. That is distressing.

Goodreads doesn't understand my life.

The only distressing thing is that I'll be waiting quite a long time for book two.

Oldie but a Goodie:

The Tiffany Aching books by Terry Pratchett.

Tiffany Aching by Alda-Rana. The little blue men are Feegles. Don't call them fairies.

I'm going through all these again, this time on audio. I love Tiffany. Stephen Briggs is the narrator for this series and for many of Pratchett's books. I highly recommend him. He does a brilliant job.

Bedtime Stories

I have taken to audiobooks. I always hated them. When I was a kid, they came on tapes, usually in plastic boxes that squeaked oddly when you opened them. The tapes were in compressed sections, with little posts that held the tape in place. They were usually recorded badly, at least in my experience, with lots of hissing and white noise along with the voice of the narrator. They were dreadful and I hated them.

It didn't help that, when I was very young, people would give you books on tape, or stories on tape, that were designed to put the fear of God into little children. They were heavy-handed, Old Testament-type stories in which Johnny was a terrible child because he was a liar, and he was going to Hell if he wasn't careful, because Hell is a real place, and Johnny is there now because he failed to be obedient and hold his mommy's hand when he crossed the street, in addition to being a liar. They usually were based around rules, like the Ten Commandments, with catchy songs about not murdering people. Mum hated them because they were all about rules and scaring children. They were always given to us by other families from church who had terrified their own children with the same stories already.

Then they invented Veggie Tales, and things improved for everyone.

When I started at the library, I had to buy audiobooks for the collection. I had no idea how to pick out an audiobook. It became a thing of choosing the most popular books and getting their audio double. So, if I ordered If I Stay, I would get the audio to go along with it, if someone wanted the audio instead of the do-it-yourself model, a paperback or hardcover book. Audiobooks, to me, were what you got when you didn't like reading. They were for the sort of people who like graphic novels because they can look at pictures instead of reading*.

Time passed and I got Francis Focus. Francis does not have a connector for my iPod. This is only because I have not made an appointment to switch out his current stereo for the one I have sitting in a box in my room. I had a long drive to make, and I decided that putting up with terrible music, which is all we get on local radio, would not be acceptable for my drive through Indiana, home of terrible radio stations. I decided to check out a book I'd been wanting to read for ages, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley. This was a lucky choice. The narrator was perfect. She was funny and managed to change her voice just enough for me to believe someone else was talking, and she didn't just read words, she ACTED them.

This was unprecedented for me. An audiobook that was CLEVER. Well made. Entertaining.

I listened to all the other Flavia de Luce mysteries, and when they were done, I gave up. I started listening to Welcome To Night Vale on my phone. this meant I could listen while I ran, which was awesome. It was even better than listening to stories in the car. I could be entertained while I was miserable, and this was the best thing ever. I finished all the old episodes and had to wait for ages for new ones. By then, I was hooked on stories while I ran, and running without a story to listen to was unthinkable. I had to do something, so I tried listening to a Terry Pratchett book as I ran every day. And that wasn't enough, so I started listening before I fell asleep at night. And when that book was over, I wanted more, so I checked out a bunch from the library. And then I joined Audible because the idea of making the library order tons of audiobooks narrated by Stephen Briggs just because I enjoy his narration seemed like an abuse of power.

And now I can sort of sleep at night. I listen to a story, and it makes me stop thinking. I turn off the obsessive voice in my head that analyzes all the things that are happening in my life, all the things I should do, all the things I didn't do properly, and all the things that COULD happen but haven't yet. Instead I listen to stories, and I relax. The Audible app has a little timer that lets you set it for whatever time you like, or to the end of the chapter, so you don't have the book playing all night while you sleep. And there isn't any light to keep you awake.

I've gone from sleeping a few hours a night to sleeping a full six hours, sometimes MORE. I feel rested. I feel better. And the best thing is, there were no pills! I mean, this audibook thing is ragingly addictive, so you do have to worry about that. All books are addictive, though. (Except for maybe My Parents Open Carry. That book isn't addictive, it's just disturbing.)

Have any of you tried audiobooks as treatment for insomnia? Do you have a favorite audiobook narrator? Leave your answers in the comments so I know what to listen to next!

*This was before I started reading all the amazing graphic novels people are writing (and illustrating). Have you read Smile? I loved Smile. And Stitches by David Small was amazing. It made me cry.

Teatime

My box of tea from DavidsTea arrived! Yes, I ordered tea on the internet. Yes, I know it comes in bags at the grocery store. This is way better.

It should come as no surprise to you that I love the box. I feel compelled to keep it and use it for something important. It could hold yarn. Everything should hold yarn.

Only when I opened the box and spread out the contents did I realize just how much tea my past self thought I needed to have in my life. I don't know how I will drink all of this. Or, if I do, I don't know how I'll ever sleep again, since I didn't think caffeine-free tea was necessary anywhere in the ordering process.

So far, my favorite is the Orange Pekoe, because the smell takes me back to my grandmother's kitchen. She always drank Orange Pekoe.

I got two tins for ordering the medium size of Orange Pekoe and Earl Grey (I like accessories a little too much), and when I dumped the tea into the containers, it made me remember Gran's tea tin. She'd had it since I was a little girl, it was a gift from her neighbor. It was blue, tall, and had a print of different tea pots all over it. I remember, when there was no tea inside, it still smelled like it was full.

I took two blends to work. Only then did I realize that maybe I should have gotten another spoon to take to work. I will remedy this next order. If I ever run out of tea.

I don't think I will ever run out of tea again.

Let's Talk Tea

Jennifer has made me an addict. For my birthday, she gave me FANCY TEA from Davids Tea! (For the record, they do not use an apostrophe. They must have their reasons.) Most of my life, tea came in a little bag inside a little envelope. And the box that contained the envelopes might vary, but as long as the outside said "Orange Pekoe" or "Earl Grey," we drank it. Preferably, the tea was English. Sometimes it was not.

I never knew tea could taste as good as this tea. The fancy tea, from Davids Tea*, comes loose--meaning not inside bags. This, during my childhood, was regarded as "messy" and "too much work," but Davids Tea makes these little drawstring pouches--tea bags--that you fill yourself with the loose tea. You do this with a special spoon. I love the fancy tea-scooping spoon. Then, you pull on the string and it closes the pouch. You have a tea bag.

This is a life-changing innovation.

Not only that, tea tastes so much better when it isn't as highly processed, that I have gone from maybe a cup a week to drinking at least two cups a day. Its a good thing most of the tea Jen gave me has little to no caffeine. If it had been highly caffeinated, I would have stroked out by now.

When I realized it was time to restock, I knew I couldn't go back to the wimpy commercial tea bags, so I went to Davids Tea and placed my order.

I decided to get my childhood favorites--Orange Pekoe and Earl Grey--as well as two fun teas. I went with Chocolate Rocket and Organic Blueberry Jam. Chocolate Rocket came in my birthday present. It is delicious. Blueberry Jam just sounds amazing, so I had to try some.

It is possible that I bought too much tea. I refuse to believe this.

Have you tried Davids Tea? Do you have a favorite? Let me know in the comments so I know what to try next!

* No, Davids Tea did not call me up and give me free tea, but if they did, I would not turn them down. I actually spent all of my money on tea. That's normal, right? As per usual, all the opinions here are my own. (Unless you share them, in which case they're ours.)