At Three A.M.

Everything seems bleak.

This is the time of day when Pink Floyd sounds its best.

I debate philosophy and sip raspberry lemonade in the blue glow of my computer monitor, writing blogs I never post.

This is when I question "Never."

I have become a student of Never. I am submersed in this concept, in the Nevers of my life.

What is existence without Never? I believe the human race defines itself by what it is not, what each individual fails to accomplish, accept, or experience. We believe our Nevers save us, protect us, ensure us success or failure. Never doing wrong by default makes us right, by definition, and ensures that even if we cannot define "right," we are in the clear.

I have contemplated twenty of my Nevers. They are as follows and in no particular order. I will leave them to you to define:

-Never disobeyed my parents
-Never failed a class
-Never complained about being a PK
-Never liked Rap music
-Never doubted God
-Never been the Pretty Friend
-Never voted Republican
-Never held hands, kissed, dated, or had my heart broken by anyone
-Never forgave myself for not achieving perfection
-Never believed myself worthy of praise
-Never accepted human mortality
-Never liked High School; never missed it
-Never liked talking on the phone
-Never been happy with my appearance
-Never looked good in shorts
-Never took a trip somewhere new alone
-Never played sports for fun
-Never got drunk
-Never fought with my mom
-Never been socially brave