Thursday, December 19, 2013

Suffering, an Autobiography of Fitness

When I was in my latest car accident, in which a car blew past a stop sign in front of my friend Bethany's car in an attempt to prematurely end all our lives, I got whiplash.

Whiplash sucks.

As a matter of fact, it still sucks. My neck makes new noises I don't like or trust. But time passes, injuries heal, and this week I thought, "Laura, you are becoming a pudding. A human Christmas pudding."

(These are the sort of uplifting bits of information my brain likes to give me, in order to brighten my day and improve my self-esteem.)

So I thought about it and realized I wasn't waking up in unspeakable pain anymore, AND I could both turn my head and look up all at the same time. I decided that meant I could try fitness again.

I am trying to say nice things about this fitness. All I can really say that is: My neck doesn't hurt.

The rest of me hurts.

I can't sit or stand without pain, and I am walking as if someone decided to beat me with a tire iron before I came to work. Tire irons hurt. Fitness hurts.

There is not enough sweet tea in the world to make me feel better.

I have to do this again tomorrow. Also the next day. Also the next day.

Stupid healthy lifestyle, ruining my life.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Christmas Shopping

Let's take a moment to consider the fact that I went out on Saturday morning, bought every Christmas present I needed to buy, and am now DONE.*

That was all the Christmas shopping in one day. LESS than one day. This is way better than waiting for packages to arrive and hoping nothing gets misplaced by the shipping company or our mail man, who is a really, truly unpleasant person.

It was not better than sitting at home in my pajamas and clicking on the things I wanted to buy people, but what can you do?

Now I just have to find creative ways to wrap all of the things, because my family is too smart for me to wrap things the way you'd THINK they should be wrapped. They guess what is in the packages, and they always guess right. And now I get to actually enjoy preparing for Christmas, because you can't do that when the only thing floating in your brain is a shopping list!

*This does not include the single present that is not done, but I am making that present, so I did not need to go shopping for it. So there.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Knitterly Things

I was lucky enough to spend Small Business Saturday working at one of my favorite small businesses ever, Simply Socks Yarn Company.

I guarded the yarn, and while I think I ought to have been given a nine iron and a "Hi! My Name Is" sticker that said, "Stephen Segal," I think I did okay keeping the yarn safe from scary toilet-paper-cozy-crocheters and moths and biker gangs.

And I got to see (and talk to!!!) Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (the Yarn Harlot herself). As I was looking at her most recent blog post, I noticed an alarmingly turquoise sweater in a picture of the crowd at her IPFW talk, and that loud turquoise sweater was on ME. So now I kind of feel like a rock star.

Here is the sweater up close, in a picture taken by The Brother. He refused to stand up to take the picture, which is why I appear to be looming. Although I may have been looming anyway, I don't really know. If I was, it was unintentional.

As you can see, I continue to photograph well.

The pattern is Audrey in Unst by Gudrun Johnston, who I fangirl in an unhealthy way. Seriously, if you want to knit a sweater for the first time and are worried or if you're fed up with patterns you need a Ouija board and three translators to make sense of, choose one of her patterns. She explains everything clearly, gives every measurement you could possibly need, and she even comes to your rescue if you're confused.