Wednesday, December 14, 2011

What's so Magical About the Magic Hoodie? (Or, How I Accidentally Flashed my Mother)

This is the Magic Hoodie.

I first snatched this up when my friend Bailey told me how amazing it is. And I thought, I own no hoodie. Maybe I should own one hoodie. I will try that hoodie on. And I loved the hoodie so much, I instantly bought it (and so did Rachael). Then Bailey and I named a book blog after it.

The Magic Hoodie is magical for many reasons. Firstly, it seems to go with anything. The plain version (without big letters all over it) originally came in a few colors, all of which seemed to blend with anything in my closet. I picked the color you see above because I knew I would love it with blue jeans. And I do. In addition to the glory of color-coordination, the Magic Hoodie has never gone all rough on the inside like some sweatshirts do after a few turns in the washer and dryer. No balled-up fleece inside this hoodie! And the material has always felt relaxed, like your favorite old pair of jeans. Only in hoodie form.

But my favorite part of the Magic Hoodie is the zipper. It is not a full-zip, which I hate, because if you're wearing a sweatshirt cardigan, why not just wear an actual sweater-cardigan? And it is not a pullover, which I hate because those always seem to make me feel like I'm being strangled, and there's nothing as nerve-wracking as thinking your clothing is trying to kill you. No, this hoodie is a half-zip, which allows for optimum temperature control and allows you to pull it on without screwing up your hair. Or temporarily blinding yourself. Or getting stuck inside the sleeve.

Before you go out to buy your own, know this: There are no more Magic Hoodies. American Eagle Outfitters doesn't make them anymore. Which is grossly wrong and should be remedied. Do you hear me, AE?

Last night, I had come home from work wearing my Fancy clothes, then switched my sweater for the Magic Hoodie, leaving on the tank top that I'd worn under the sweater. So my layers were as follows: undergarment, tank top, Magic Hoodie. It is important to remember that.

After an evening of making crafts for Christmas, I came out of my room to get a cookie, then went over to pet Darcy and chat with Mom. Darcy has pulled a muscle in her little doggy leg, and she is quite pathetic. So I rubbed her tummy and tried to make her feel a little better, then sat down across from Mom. I was extolling the virtues of the Magic Hoodie, because I was feeling particularly comfortable that evening.

"This hoodie is the Magic Hoodie for a reason," I said. "There is no hoodie better than this one."

"What makes this hoodie magical?" Asked Mom.

"THIS," I said. Then I unzipped the zipper.

My intention was to show Mom that the zipper only unzipped halfway, making the hoodie Magical for all those reasons I told you about before. What I really did was show my mother my breasts.

"DID I JUST FLASH YOU MY BREASTS?" I gasped, zipping the hoodie back up as quickly as possible.

You see, the tank top had worked its way down, so the neckline of the tank top was...well, let's just call what happened a Wardrobe Malfunction and move along. Because Mom wasn't the only person in the room, and I'm not referring to the dog.

Paul had walked in just as I was covering my nakedness like Eve in the Garden. He has plainly heard me shout my question to Mom, and now he could see the two of us crying because we were laughing so hard. Paul's a smart guy. He put two and two together.

"This is how you should meet men, Laura," Paul announced. "You should walk up and say, GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD!" Then he pantomimed unzipping the hoodie and flinging it open for all to see.

He used a funny voice, too. Paul is a funny guy.

"GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD" only made me laugh harder. I was crying and gasping for air at this point. Mom was wheezing and calling for her inhaler. So now Paul will have a new bit, which is using "GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD" every time there is any hint of my liking or dating anyone. I can tell that will happen. It is too hilarious to not use it.

I will never live that down. I don't so much care. And I'm really glad if I flashed anyone during my Indiana Girl's Gone Wild impersonation, that person was my mom.

3 comments:

  1. Laughed till I cried. BEST POST EVER!!

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  2. The world must know this story. IT ROCKS.

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  3. I am glad my accidental nakedness amused you both! Thanks!

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