Kelly: GRRRRR. TELL ME A MYTHOLOGY STORY. THE ARACHNE ONE. [that's what I'm on]
Me: Once upon a time, this lady named Arachne had WICKED MAD WEAVING SKILLZ.
Arachne: "I am weaving LIKE A BOSS." Villagers: "PREACH."
Arachne: "I am MADE OF AWESOME. Not even Minerva, the goddess of WISDOM AND CRAFTS, SUCKS COMPARED TO ME." Minerva: "OH NO SHE DIDN'T!"
So then there was a SHOW DOWN in GRECOROMAN-TOWN, and Arachne wove and Minerva wove in a FACE OFF fit for the WWE.
(That's the Wise Weaver-Elite, not the World Wrestling Entertainment thing.)
Arachne: "MY TAPESTRY is prettier than YOURS. PLUS it features your dad doin' the NASTY with HAPLESS MORTAL WOMEN."
Minerva: "I HATE NO ONE MORE THAN YOU, STUPID MORTAL WOMAN. YOUR TAPESTRY IS TOO AWESOME TO EXIST." *destroys tapestry*
But THAT WASN'T ENOUGH for Minerva. She totally slashed Arachne's face up! And THEN, she turned her into a SPIDER.
Which was kind of overkill, if you think about it. She didn't need to slash her up if she was going to spider-ize her.
Minerva: "I WILL CUT YOU. No wait. I have a better idea." *SPIDER RAY*
And THAT, twin, is why knitters hate spiders. Cause the goddess of wisdom and crafts tells us to. So we kill them DEAD.
Kelly: That is a BRILLIANT retelling. SO much more fun than Ovid.
Me: *takes a bow*
I totally kill all the spiders. I end them, Shadowhunter-style, cause my lady Minerva done told me to. *knits on*
Kelly: I love how I said "TWIN. TELL ME THIS STORY." And she just KNEW it. My twin is SMART.
Laura: I also have a copy of Edith Hamilton's MYTHOLOGY and I knows how to use it. And I am obsessive. And I read the Ovid.
Why did I reproduce this? Firstly, because I had so much fun teaching mythology via tweets. Secondly, so you would all know what you were missing by not following me on Twitter. Lots of hilarity goes on there.
I think it might be fun to teach other things in ridiculous ways. Does anyone have anything they'd like to learn about? I will TEACH you. Let me know in the comments.