Since Thursday night, I have been unable to fall asleep before 2:00 AM.
This is a problem, because you can't just quit life because you aren't sleeping. People still expect you to show up at work, Orchestra concerts (maybe that's just me), and other social events. They also expect you to wear grown-up clothes instead of a hoodie and jeans, pajamas, or a giant fluffy robe.
You also have to leave your electric blanket at your house, because as of this moment, I don't think they make battery operated electric blankets, and, even if they did, you can't very well wear a blanket around everywhere you go, either.
You also have to deal with the regular trials of life without falling apart, but when you aren't sleeping, you can't really manage that.
Grandpa fell last week. He lives on his own, because he is stubborn, so no one knew he fell until my aunt couldn't reach him the next morning. Fortunately, he hadn't broken any bones or had a heart attack or stroke, but now he's dealing with all kinds of problems relating to the fall, and other problems related to being 90. He is in the hospital's rehab unit now, and will likely be there for the next 10 days. After that, we'll figure out what the next step will be.
Normally, I would be upset. I AM upset. I would want to be there with him as much as I do right now. I would be worried about Grandpa, focused on his care and the various plans we'll have to make to help him out. I would likely be just as worried. Worried, but rested. And rested makes a huge difference with how I cope with all aspects of life.
Unfortunately (and embarrassingly) the combination of sleeplessness and emotion has made me a complete basket case in the evenings. I am train wreck Laura, and the waterworks start at about 10:00 PM. After that, I am of no use to anyone, including myself, because I can't think at all. I am mostly brain dead, and the only function my brain has left is making tears happen. Which means when I finally DO get to see Grandpa, it will be well before 10:00...so I can see him when I am a person instead of a soggy tissue.
No one needs to see a used Kleenex in human form.
Tonight I am going to be in bed at 10:00. I am going to make sleep happen, so I can be helpful to my family. If The Brother has to use a hammer to knock me unconscious, that is what will happen--he has been gracious enough to offer his help. We have several hammers, but I am opting for a rubber mallet, because it looks more like what the characters of Looney Tunes would use.
In the meantime, I will drink lots of tea and coffee.
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