Magic Plastic Bag Storage (In Which Laura Is Obsessively Organized)

I spent several hours this morning crawling around on the ground rolling grocery bags up into a center-pull tube so that they would take up less space. This is productivity, folks.

See, yesterday it rained all day, and when it rains, we give out plastic grocery bags for people to either put their books inside or stick over their baskets or library bags to keep the books from getting wet and moldy. We had classes visit, so I had to send home at least twenty bags with kids, and they were all crumpled up in our box we keep in the cabinet beneath the desk. Some bags were inside others. Some were full of onion skin. Some were tiny and useless. Some were much too big to use for just one book. It took forever to sort through them, the kids got impatient, some started pushing others, and a riot almost happened in our doorway--until the teacher told them that the time they were spending being rowdy might make them late for art, and they all calmed down and behaved like angels. They did NOT want to be late for art.*

After they left, I started searching the internet for a viable solution to make the mess of our cabinet less...messy. The tutorial I found is super-easy and it is genuinely fantastic to grab a bag without tons more falling on the ground behind the circulation desk or having to untangle them from the mess. Small things make me so very happy.

It is so wonderful, I am leaving the tutorial here. You can ignore it. Or you can do the same thing I did and get endless joy out of taking back all the mess of that one cabinet or drawer at your house (or workplace) that drives you a little more crazy every time you look at it.

For the record, when I came across bags larger than the standard grocery bag size, I folded them into triangles to keep separate. Now I know if I want a big bag, I grab a triangle, and if I want a normal bag, I pull one out of the roll. The triangles are the same as those paper footballs kids flicked across the classroom when I was in elementary school. You can make them by laying out the grocery bag flat, folding it in half and then, starting from the bottom end, fold one end toward the other, then back again and repeating this until you get close to the handle. Tuck the handle into the side of the now-triangle-shaped bag, and you're done. (If that explanation sucks as much as I think it does, Google "paper football" because there is bound to be a picture-based tut
orial for you to follow.)

* So called "specials" classes like music and art are important to kids. They love them. They learn TONS from art and music (and library time with a qualified school media specialist). Its time administrations stop taking away funding and instead make the arts a priority in ALL schools. If your school district isn't doing this, start writing letters to the editor of your local newspapers, talk to your school board, get in touch with other parents, and make a change happen. 

Plastic Surgeon, The First Visit, and How to End a Blog Post

Jennifer graciously agreed to accompany me across the state (not exactly that far, but it was a LONG way from my house) to the plastic surgeon's office.

The whole appointment took less than fifteen minutes. The doctor looked at me, told me I needed to really be tested for a latex allergy, which miffed me because I HAVE been tested and am allergic. This annoyance grew through the day until the inevitable Twitter rant began. This also proves how well Kelly understands me.

I swear I am putting that attacked by bees thing in my future author bio. It is both accurate and HILARIOUS.

The doctor also explained how I (and my insurance company) would pay him to hack a chunk out of my face, sew it up, and send me home without so much as a candy from a jar or a sticker. Then I would be all done.

He used nicer terminology. He also told me that it was high time this mole went away--apparently it is more worrisome because it has blood flow. So he is sending it to a lab, which is lovely. (Sorry for the TMI post, guys.)

This will be way better than my other surgeries, because I will not have to be unconscious. It will also be worse because I will have to watch.

And now a break for gallbladder disease humor, because I have saved so much of it on my computer.

Then Jen and I went to Target, got Starbucks and ate at Biaggi's, making the whole trip completely worthwhile. We have also decided that we need to make all of our shopping trips before noon on weekdays, because it is much less busy than on Friday or Saturday nights.

We also talked blogging, and I told her about how I never know how to end these posts. Most of the time I just want to type"Okay, bored now."

Sock, Swimming, and a Book

I spent my weekend working on the sock. The first one is now finished, and I started the second this morning when I should have been eating breakfast. As one does. (I did eat breakfast, just rather hurriedly.) If you want to see pictures, check out my Instagram--the link is in the sidebar! Follow me there for lots of pictures of knitting (and of Darcy).

Not only that, I found a one-piece bathing suit, which is quite the accomplishment if you know how long-waisted I am. (You don't get a picture of that.) Now I can swim laps at the gym whenever I like! I always enjoyed swimming laps when I was younger, back before I had a giant scar I worry about hiding from the public eye. Now I'll be able to go back to swimming. I missed it!

I've been reading Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel. Loads of people, literature buffs and recreational readers alike, have already written reviews and critiques of this novel, so I will keep mine brief. The book is the first in a trilogy about the life of Thomas Cromwell. Cromwell (not to be confused with Oliver Cromwell, who came later) was a lawyer, political advisor,* merchant, and former mercenary. He rises to prominence through the fabric trade and with his work for Cardinal Wolsey, Henry VIII's advisor.

Plot summary aside, this novel is brilliantly written. I highly recommend it. Mantel manages to breathe new life into an often-repeated period of English history. The characters, like the real people they are based on, are multi-faceted, sometimes dangerous, sometimes hilarious, and always interesting. The BBC is about to release a miniseries based on the book, so pick it up now while you still have time to finish it before you watch!

I already have the second book on hold at the library, and I'm hoping to finish the end of this one tonight, because I just checked out All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, and I have a feeling I won't be able to renew that one.

It's hard to read a single novel quickly when you're fickle and therefore are reading five of them at the same time. Maybe I should cut down. Nah.








* Dear Google, stop telling me the spelling of words is wrong when the spelling of them isn't wrong. There are two ways to spell "advisor" and both are correct.

A Foray into Plastic Surgery

I have been to see my nurse practitioner who has called a dermatologist who has called a plastic surgeon. Yes, Laura has to have plastic surgery. Not because I want to, but because my lip is slowly being taken over by a mole that the doctor already got rid of once because it was weird.* It didn't get the hint and, like a creepy guy in the library, has returned to plague me even after I made it clear it wasn't wanted.

The look of it doesn't really bother me. I mean, it did when I was in high school, but I am over it.

See? Not terrible to look at. A uni-brow would be way worse. (On a completely different topic, those sunglasses are made of awesome.) My doctor, however, is NOT over it. It has been doomed by medical science, so it must go. Luckily, it is the only weird mole I have to get rid of. Hopefully it is the only one FOREVER.

Apparently, the reason a plastic surgeon has to do this is the line that makes your lip your lip and not the skin above or below. Once that line is screwed up, there is no fixing it and you grimace everywhere you go. Or make some other face. I just made up grimace because I thought that would be the look you'd give people of someone messed up your lip permanently. 

The bonus is, though, that a plastic surgeon will be able to do this thing without a scar. I have enough scars. Scars everywhere. So, that is the consolation prize for having to trek all the way to almost-Ohio for someone to poke my lip with needles and do goodness-knows what else to my face while I am undoubtedly awake and probably watching it all go down. Maybe they will let me listen to an audiobook instead of to the sound of the surgery like the oral surgeon did when I got my wisdom teeth out, because that was awesome. Although I now equate The Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand" with anesthesia. 

I wonder if the doctor will draw on my face with a pen like they did to that one lady on the Today Show's special about plastic surgery...If they do, I will take a picture. Those sorts of things need to be immortalized on the internets. New profile picture of Laura Marker Face, as she makes her way in the world.

I shall find all of this out next Tuesday, when I have my consultation.

* The last time I had this thing taken care of, they used a laser and I smelled like burning flesh for two straight days, and it scared people at the bookstore Mum took me to afterward when neither of us could smell the war-zone smell and thought it would be fun to get a book to read at home later that day. I apologize, bookstore people from 18 years ago, and I will plan in advance to bring some kind of potpourri or something to carry around with me after whatever the plastic surgeon decides to do.

In Which I Feel Famous

I (and my sweater story) have made the Simply Socks Yarn Company Blog. I feel like I should start wearing my sunglasses indoors to cope with all of the fame. I will make you go over there to read it because Rachael has a sweater in that blog, too, and it is gorgeous.

Allison took such a nice picture of the lost-now-found sweater, and luckily, you can't see the weird/terrified look that was on my face when she took the picture. Bless you for cropping that out, Allison. Bless you. Thinking about that sweater makes me hungry for Thai food, though. Gosh, I want some Thai food right now. I love Thai food.

It is always nice when other people take pictures of me wearing my handknits, because it means I don't have to try to take pictures of myself reflected in a mirror or by using some kind of nightmarish camera timer setup.

Meanwhile, I have almost finished my fancy Icelandic sweater, which was almost completely knit during my bout with stomach flu last week, and I've already started my next project. I am making striped socks that are the colors of the Crayola Neons pack of crayons I had when I was in elementary school. Basically, this sock yarn brings me childlike joy.

Here is the official picture from Simply Socks Yarn Company's Instagram. And here are the pictures I took last night while winding my skein into a happy little yarn cake so I could start knitting. The other skeins are also being made into fun things...more on them later.

From left to right: Simply Sock Yarn in Hottest Pink, Poste Yarn in Danxia Landform (sold out now but watch the website) and Giants Causeway, and Miss Babs in Deep Sea Jellyfish.

Close up of Danxia Landform.

 It might be a while before the second sleeve on my sweater is finished. I need my colors.

Stomach Flu and Running Success

Oh my goodness, guys. I had the stomach flu last week. And it was dreadful. I think there was some kind of temporal weirdness going on, because I'm sure I threw up food I hadn't even eaten yet. The problems are now resolved, but it was a dreadful week.

I spent most of my time in bed, knitting. I knit while lying down, sitting up, and while curled up under a giant blanket. And I managed to knit a 16" body for my fancy Icelandic sweater and half the yoke in three days.

I was feeling better, but weak, on Friday. Saturday I went to work, and Sunday I felt well enough to attempt something I had not ever thought possible.

I went to the gym. I got on the treadmill.

And I ran a mile in nine minutes. NINE MINUTES. I couldn't believe I'd done it. I couldn't do that in high school. I couldn't do that in junior high or elementary school, either. I have never been able to run a mile that quickly.

I was disappointed that magically, no medal was waiting for me when I got off the treadmill. But the lady who was working in the gym did give me a high-five, so that's something.

Richard III and Laura Is a Giant Nerd

Jennifer is doing a linky party on her blog, The Yellow Brick Road and I had to join. I mean, books, right?

I accidentally walked through the new books in the history section at the library and ended up cleaning it out. I have very little willpower where books are concerned. Okay, I have no willpower. This is why I try not to walk through bookstores when I'm trying to stick to a budget.

1. Digging for Richard III: The Search for the Lost King by Mike Pitts. This is one of many Richard III books out recently. Who knew Richard-Nephew-Killer-the-Third would ever be so popular? (It is possible that Richard did not smother his nephews while they slept peacefully in the Tower, but it is also possible that...he did. Or that he ordered people to do it for him.) After a brief history of Richard III's life, the author jumps right in and gives you his life death story, relating the rumors, fabrications, and historical evidence that brought archaeologists to the car park where they found his remains. Basically, people were parking their cars on top of dead Richard III. Shakespeare would have found that hilarious.
2. The Demon's Brood: The History of the Plantagenet Dynasty by Desmond Seward. In other Plantagenet-related books, we have this 2014 release Richard III's family. I have read a bunch of other books about the various players in the War of the Roses, so why not read this one? I confess, I picked it up because it has a pretty (if fictional) cover, and I figured I'd give it a go. Before you judge me, if you don't judge books by their covers, you make all cover designers everywhere sit down and cry over the futility of their lives. Do you want to make the cover designers cry? I didn't think so.
3. Rebellion: The History of England from James I to the Glorious Revolution by Peter Ackroyd. I really like Peter Ackroyd, so I'm giving this a try. I discovered as I was looking up a link for you that this is not his first history of the monarchy, so I may have to put in a request at the library so I can read in chronological order.
4. How to Be a Victorian: A Dawn-to-Dusk Guide to Victorian Life by Ruth Goodman. This was recommended to me by various people who know how obsessed I am with the Victorian era of literature. Wilkie Collins is my homeboy.

I made you a collage of the book covers plus a picture of my bookshelf because I have stomach flu and got bored.

Yes, I am a massive nerd. Feel free to mock me in the comments. Don't forget to check back at The Yellow Brick Road to see what everyone else is reading!