Friday, November 4, 2005

Suspense is Killing Me

Sitting and waiting for this doctor's appointment has made me consider the massive amount of things that are going wrong with me, even as we speak.

-I eat Tums like candy

-I'm allergic to life itself, including the office I work in, the library I work in, the old school I volunteer in, my car, my basement, the outdoors, perfume, mint, and, ironically, newspaper print

-Bronchial spasms (at least that's what we think they are--no one really knows) make me feel like I'm having heart tremors

-I get carsick while standing/sitting still

-I take Tylenol p.m. just to fall asleep at night--and I never consume caffiene--but although I have massive dark circles under my eyes, they are caused by something else

-Hypersensitivity to adrenaline makes my hands shake constantly

-I always inhale what I drink, no matter what it is. This also includes ice cream, even though that is eaten.

-I fall down stairs and off curbs so often, I don't even know where half the bruises are from, or if the random pain I feel suddenly from different parts of my body is caused by clumsiness or cancer. Cancer of the elbow, the pinkie toe, the kneecap, you name it.

And if I list any more, it will be horrifying, and possibly blind you. Do you think the doctor will overlook all this, or will I be interred at the hospital?

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