My eye appointment, at which my prescription will be updated so I can actually BUY glasses, is on the 15th. However, I realized when I set the appointment that I am an impulse-buyer of frames. I know myself. I know I will walk into the eye doctor and try on frames for two minutes, decide I like one, and buy it on the spot. This can not happen this time. For two reasons:
- I need glasses I can wear everyday. I stopped wearing contacts altogether, so I need a pair of glasses that is both trendy and classic enough to last several years. They also must be neutral enough to go with every outfit.
- I need sunglasses, too. Driving with a pair of sunglasses put over your actual glasses is uncomfortable. I mean, my sunglasses are huge, but nothing goes over normal glasses properly unless we're talking those glasses they give you after cataract surgery, and I don't have a pair of those sort. This means I need two frames--because I can't handle transitions lenses--and that means I need two AFFORDABLE frames. I still need to eat food, drive my car, and pay other bills.
I went into a place they have in the mall, which was nice. The brother got his glasses there. They look really good. While there, I learned two things that were sobering. First, women like their glasses to be jewelry, I guess? I do not want spangly things on the sides of my frames. I do not want those expensive crystals they put on wedding dresses stapled to my face. I do not want ornamental designs including the maker's logo. I do not want giant Cs put in a fancy ring around the side of my face, or a specific blue that means they can charge an extra $200 for the frame, or Fs or YSLs woven around with fancy silver work. Nope. I want glasses that, if abandoned at a lost and found, would cause confusion as to whether the glasses belonged to a man or a woman. I want gender neutral frames. Is that too much to ask?
The second thing I learned is more difficult to cope with. It is that I have a freakishly skinny face. I knew this already, but this place didn't have a big selection of teenager glasses, so I couldn't easily find a pair made for a 12 year-old and move on. No, I had to look at the grown-up glasses, which were HUGE on me. So I went to the children's frames, and they were just a tiny bit too small. The one thing all the frame sizes had in common? Unflattering. Apparently, in frame-speak, I need the first number to be a 48 to a 50. No bigger. Most of the glasses they had there for women? 54s. That is four of something bigger than I can look okay in.
I might be doomed.
Usually, when I run into this problem (it has happened every time I've gotten glasses through my high school years, college years, and adult years), I just switch out the lens and keep the frames. I have only had two frames in the last 16 or so years. But these frames, unlike their predecessor, were worn every single day. They look a bit worn. They will look even more worn if I wait another four years to replace them.
What I need to do is eat a lot of food and gain weight only in my face. That will work, right?
Now for a collage of failed frames.
|This is what it looks like when you cannot see the phone you're using to take a selfie.|
Seriously, I have a creepy stare of blindness.