Monday, March 16, 2015

Lip Balm That Doesn't Suck

Oh, yes. I finally have broken down and decided to share my knowledge with the masses. If you know me, you know I love lip products. I love colors, stains, glosses, tinted balms, and regular old lip balm. But this is not a beauty blog. No. This is a Horrible Nightmares of Laura's Life blog and a This Funny Thing Happened blog.

So why am I talking about lip balm? Because one of the biggest horrors of my life is how flipping dry my skin is.

You have no idea. My skin is so dry, it is oily. My skin is so dry, it makes itself break out unless I put layer after layer of moisturizers on it every morning and every evening, without fail. It is so dry that if I try a new product in a Birchbox that I haven't used before and that product is drying, my skin decides it will give up all of its moisture and become like the desert sands.* My lips are no different. They are constantly dry and chapped unless I use lip products all day, every day. This is probably why I became obsessed with lip products in the first place.

I have tried many lip balms. Most of them suck.

That EOS stuff everyone carries around, the one in the little balls that look like anatomy if they're in the wrong color? They don't help. If you don't have dry lips, they're fine. If you do have dry lips, they'll make your lips feel better for a bit but won't moisturize them at all. When the balm wears off, you're back to dry lip misery. Mostly they're just good at being colorful and round.**

Chapstick? You're crazy. This is like smearing wax on your face. It does nothing.

Burt's Bees? I love the minty-ness of this, and it is good at protecting your lips in case you mouth-breathe a lot or have a cold, but it does nothing to moisturize at all.

Nivea? Whatever. Someone told me to try this one winter. I put it on once, laughed, threw it in a drawer and have never used it again.

So what works? I have compiled you a list. It is a countdown of the three best lip products ever. Enjoy.

3. Most Affordable Solution: Aquaphor Lip Repair. This is brilliant. Jennifer told me to try this years ago, and for the first time ever, I felt like I had soft lips. They weren't dry or chapped. They felt good. I used this obsessively for years. Only this winter did I stray.

There were a few reasons I decided to try new things. For one, it makes my lips shed dry skin like a snake the first time I apply it each day. That's not really a bad thing, because it spared me using any kind of lip scrub to achieve the same aim, but it made mornings pretty gross some days. The only other problem is that the moisture didn't last very long before I started to feel my lips drying out. I kept a tube of this everywhere to avoid it wearing off.

Aquaphor is terrific if you want help without spending a lot and don't mind reapplying several times a day. It's only about $3.50, and you can find it almost anywhere in the pharmacy lip care section, so it's a good choice if you want local and affordable.

2. Best Tinted Lip Treatment: Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment. This is lovely. It's easy to apply, it comes with its own color (but only if you want it to), and it has SPF 15. I just picked this up in Chicago at a Sephora because I kept reading about how much people love it. It lives up to the hype.

It's a longer-lasting moisturizer than the Aquaphor PLUS prettier. It also means I can skip lipstick and just wear this all the time. I got the shade Passion, but they are so sheer, I doubt there would be a color that wouldn't work with everyone's skin color. All of them worked on my ghostly pale self. It's pretty expensive, I think at Sephora I got it for $22.00, but I find it's worth it. I like tossing it in a bag and using one product instead of two.

Before I stop talking about Fresh Sugar...IT COMES WITHOUT COLOR. Try this.

1. Vastly Superior to All Other Options: Kiehl's Lip Balm #1.  There is a reason why #1 is in the NAME of this stuff. This lip balm got me through lip surgery. It kept my dry skin from messing up my stitches, kept my swollen lip from getting all parched, and I think it helped it heal. Now that I'm recovered, I put it on once in the morning and I don't need to do it again all day, even when it feels like it's worn off.

I love this stuff. I will never go without it. If it were possible for me to marry it and have its babies, I would. That is how much I am committed to my Kiehl's Lib Balm #1. Hands down, this is THE BEST lip balm I have ever come across in my life. You have to try this, you just have to. For as fantastic as it is, the $7.00 price tag is NOTHING.

I took a picture for you. Look at that. I go the extra mile for you guys.
I used a tube of this all winter long, and I'm not even half finished with it, so it lasts for ages longer than my Aquaphor ever did. I'm ordering two more to keep on hand, because I am so terrified that my current tube will decide to vanish somewhere, leaving me bereft. It does come flavored, but I prefer it not to have any taste or smell, so I'm sticking with the plain.

* I'm looking at you, Roloxin Lift Revitalizing Facial Treatment. You even made my hands dry. I wanted to kick you in the face, but you don't HAVE a face. Maybe that is why you suck; you don't understand faces.

** Disclaimer: I have an EOS in mint I use after I use my actual lip balm just so I can smell mint. That is the only purpose it serves. I bought it to test it after hearing multiple people recommend it. Those people didn't actually have chapped lips.

One more note: No one gave me samples or anything for these reviews, I tested them after buying them with my own money. If someone someday decides to give me free lip balm, please make it the Kiehl's.


  1. Chapped lips are my worst enemy, and they taunt me daily. Like you, I'm a lover of lip products, but some days I feel like my lipstick is flaking off with dead skin, which is, yeah, disgusting. (That was a long sentence.) Thanks for sharing your moisturizing lip balms here because I am always in search of GOOD ones, and they are so hard to find.

    Personally, I am committed to Carmex, but it's addictive. Like Afrin. It stops working as well, so you keep using more/buying more to achieve the same level of smooth, moisturized lips. But I love the classic medicated cherry flavor & smell, what can I say?

    1. I wish Carmex was powerful enough for me. Mouth-breathing at night makes it useless, which is a sad thing, because it smells weirdly awesome and that makes me happy.