Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Falling for Shoe

Today one of my co-workers fell down the stairs at the library.

This was due to a tragic separation of the leather upper from the man-made lower portion of her shoe. I will illustrate using mathematics.

Solve for Z; when X = Leather Upper and Y = Man-Made Sole.

X-Y=Z

Leather Upper - Man Made Sole = Z

Because this isn't a real equation, or because this is theoretical mathematics taught by a girl whose only math accomplishments are listed in the category "Epic Fail," we must list possible variations instead of one answer to this equation. Z may equal either Painful Collapse, Bruises, Strange Noise, Damaged Appendages, Shoe Shopping, or all of the above.

Strange Noise, you ask?

Oh, yes. Because from where I was sitting, I heard a crash followed by the sound a stack of children's books covered in plastic dust jackets slipping off each other and then landing individually on the carpet-covered tile floor.

This is an interesting noise, and when we combine that noise with the crash, it doesn't sound like falling down stairs. It sounds like middle-school boys.

It took some time for me to realize what the noise might be, since I am usually on the receiving end of such noises, being that I am the one who usually falls down the stairs (rather than a witness).

I rushed to her aid, retrieved a first aid kit, and attempted to be of use. I provided a band-aid; I advised her not to hot-glue her shoe together, and I told her I had fallen down those stairs many times (but none of mine were that legendary). I also told recounted a story of my first stair-fall here at the library, including that one of our high-school girls had told me the instant after my collapse that I could go upstairs and watch it on the video camera if I wanted to. I didn't want to. My fall was also precipitated by shoe-malfunction, although mine were too wide for my feet rather than disintegrating during wear.

The moral of this story?

Check your shoes before you walk in them, especially if your workplace is scattered liberally with security cameras.

May it also be said that, on the three occasions I mentioned "mathematics", I misspelled the word three times. I spelled it "mathmatics" when it should read "mathematics". This may have contributed to my poor math grades throughout high school. I have also disregarded (due to not remembering) the rules of where punctuation and quotation marks ought to be placed. Those mistakes have been left uncorrected due to laziness.

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