Monday, April 27, 2015

I Don't Know How To Fashion

Growing up, my mother picked out everything. Even things I hated because  Then I hit junior high, and what I wore was based on what was long enough. Every shopping trip involved countless disappointments, because I am a giant.*

Now I can get pants that are long enough, dresses that are long enough (sometimes), and usually shirts that are long enough! The internet is a miracle, because special ordering something in long or tall is EASY. It is fantastic. I don't have to feel like I'm a Godzilla-style monster compared to all the tiny people in the fitting room around me, the kind of monster that consumes people that small in black-and-white horror movies imported from Japan. I should not feel so tall that I can crush buildings when I'm shopping. I am nowhere near that tall.**

But there is a problem. The problem is that I mostly have no idea how to dress myself. I find clothes that are long enough, I buy them, I carry on. I feel like I don't know how to put together an outfit. Every once and a while I luck out and find something that works. Mostly, that isn't the case. I am a jeans and t-shirt person. I feel incapable of branching out at all.

Case in point: The black jeans.

I have never owned black jeans. I impulse-bought a pair at Old Navy two weeks ago. These ones. They fit well, they look cute.

And I have no idea what to wear them with. Should the shirt be tunic length? Do I have to wear black shoes? What sort of shoes? Should I avoid graphic tees, or should I only wear graphic tees with them? Do I need to have an oversized shirt? And people are wearing brown with black now? What's up with that?!

The result is that I put the black jeans on, stand in them for a while, and then give up.

Will someone just come pick out all of my clothes for me? Please help.

* 1. I love my height. This is a joke. 2. I might not look very tall compared to other people, but for my waist size, I am VERY tall. In junior high, there was not a size anywhere that fit me--today it would be 00 or XS in Extra Long or Tall--and the too-big clothes were STILL too short for me. I was best friends with my belt for years, and I think I wore cropped pants accidentally for most of junior high and high school. People kept asking me if I wanted to be a model. I kept responding "No, because I don't want anyone to ever look at me." This is still true. Never look at me. I will just hide behind this pillar.

** I am just under 5'10". I only feel giant when forced to try on clothes that are basically petite. Don't tell me they aren't. They might not have the "P" on them for petite, but they ARE petite. That is why tiny people can put on dresses and look cute, and I pick my size out from the rack and, if I wore it in public, I would be unable to sit without flashing people. Or stand without flashing people.


  1. Here's a checklist I use when dressing myself. You're welcome. #1. Jeans. Check. #2. Long-sleeved t-shirt. Check. #3. Short-sleeved t-shirt to go over long-sleeved t-shirt. Check. #4. Maybe a hooded sweatshirt to go over t-shirt layers if it's too cold (which it always is). Check. Oh, and I'm pretty sure black jeans would work with that too ;)

    1. I cannot wear jeans or hooded sweatshirts to work. If I could do that, I would have way fewer fashion conundrums in my life.