Wednesday, April 22, 2015

The Most Delicious Things I Shouldn't Be Eating

I am making an effort to eat better. This is not a stretch for me, because I eat terribly and I know it. I love food. I love all food. I love potatoes and things with cream sauce and chicken pot pie and french fries and also the delicious cheeseburgers at The Rusty Dog. But now that I have no gallbladder, eating that way has...consequences.

I'm not going to discuss the consequences.

For Lent, Mum tried to be a vegetarian. I tried to eat what she ate. I am a supportive daughter. Mostly I just wanted to prove that I COULD. I was fantasizing about lasagna after day one. I lasted about a week before I caved. I got that lasagna, and it was delicious. I regret nothing. But I didn't change all the way back, because I felt BETTER.

So now I am eating many veggies and fruits. It is delicious, but it's hard. Not because fresh fruit and vegetables are expensive--though they are. It's hard because I have an obsessive nature, and when I find a snack I love, I want nothing else.

I should not be eating these things. But I love them. But I shouldn't be eating them.

1. Keebler Fudge Grahams.

Convenient snack cup container lets you can carry
them with you everywhere. Even in your dreams..

WHERE have these been all my life? They are made of nothing recognizable. I think cardboard and wax. Who knows. But they taste good. So good. I told Mum never to buy them again, but this afternoon I came home and found a snack cup sitting on my laptop. So here I sit eating them. Because reasons.

2. Annie's Cheddar Bunnies. These are LIKE goldfish crackers, but only in the way that I am like J.K. Rowling.**

Where were these in my childhood?
Clearly, I was a deprived child.
These crackers taste like they are made of all my hopes and dreams, plus they are bunny-shaped! This is the best food discovery of my life. CHEESE BUNNIES.

3. Chocolate Covered Oreos. CHOCOLATE COVERED OREOS.

God has these waiting for us in heaven, only with less calories.
Allison brought these to the library. She asked me what sort of chocolate I liked, dark, milk, or white, and then I had my first chocolate covered Oreo. I want to have this cookie's BABIES. If I could marry a junk food, it would be this. Somehow they manage to make the dry Oreo cookie creamy and beautiful. This is what Oreos were meant to be.

 I wish I could resist these things. I wish I was actually eating berries right now instead of Fudge Grahams. But the berries are in the fridge and the fudge grahams are right here, so...

* None of these pictures are mine, all are from the manufacturer's websites. Additionally, no one paid me for these endorsements, obviously, because if they had, I would be much fatter because I'd spend all of the money I earned on more of these snack foods.

** I am to J.K. Rowling as pathetic everyday crackers are to Annie's Cheddar Bunnies. This is an SAT-level analogy and qualifies as test prep for all of you who are still being tormented by standardized testing.

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