Friday, February 6, 2009

I Got Nothing



I made a goal a month or so ago to write a blog every day, and take the weekends off. Last weekend, I was so filled with ideas that I wrote on Saturday and Sunday too. So today I will share a series of unconnected events that have thus far failed to mesh into a cohesive idea or narrative format.

Today, Mom took Darcy for a walk, got dizzy, and blacked out several times on her way back home. She abandoned her jacket in a tree by the creek because it was too heavy, and thought about leaving her shoes as well. Now, she's fine. What do you call that?

Dad spent the evening playing his whistle in his room. The phone rang, and though he was feet from it, he failed to answer it. This may be because he is deaf. DEAF! (I shouted that last one so he could hear me.) I walked into Paul's room, which hasn't has any overhead light since the bulbs burnt out over a year ago. Mom wouldn't change them, because Paul can reach the bulbs from the bed, and she has to drag in a step ladder and drag it back out. Turns out Dad is a lot like Paul, because when HIS call was over, he left the phone on the floor behind a chair in the dark so others would have to struggle repeatedly for each call. Thanks.

I went to the grocery store today with a list. Then I called to see if we needed hot dog buns. After that, Dad called me back to edit the list, and I ended up walking around the Walmart grocery section three or four times, switching the kind of chips I was buying to the kind he likes, and adding in some relish, because "he didn't have enough." Curse his name. Then I drove home, and he ate his hot dogs like a duck, swallowing them in three bites without chewing. Real attractive.

Has anyone else noticed how Valentine's Day has degraded from the meaningless greeting-card holiday it once was and become solely about sex? Television talk shows are almost exclusively featuring people talking about sex, how they have it, with who, with what, and why they hate the people they used to have it with. The infamous fourth hour of the Today Show with Hoda and Kathie Lee (shudder) is enough to make me go deaf on a good day, but today, it almost made me go blind. They featured a pair of underwear designed to have two occupants. The box this garment came in had a picture of its intended use. Yep. Thanks for that. Then, to make matters worse, Kathie Lee (that harpy, spawned of Regis' evil) took them out of their containment and announced that they had been previously worn. She then exposed the inner crotch of the panties to the camera and repeated her assertion, accusing a member of the crew of having done so. There are reasons every day that the two of them should be loaded onto a rocket by NASA scientists and blasted into the sun, but NASA doesn't take my phone calls anymore.

I had to rip out the gusset of my Digitessa practice sock because I think I have the issue I had with the first attempt figured out. I think a bit of clarification could have been left out of the pattern...leading to my stupid mistake. Mistakes. My stupid, repetitive mistakes.

And there you go. My day. Wow.

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