Thursday, February 27, 2014

House-Sitting in Wintertime

The weather is stupid. It does not like me and is therefore trying to thwart me in many ways, by making it nearly impossible to go outside for any length of time while I am attempting to care for many chickens. Chickens who all seem to have the expectation of non-frozen water, scratch to eat, and a warm dwelling. I go outside to care for the chickens and wheeze in the winter air, then I walk the inside dog and wheeze, and then I take care of the outside dog, all while wheezing.

And did I mention that Oreo, the outside dog, is living in the mud room? Because she is there now, since it is too brutally cold and windy for her to be outside in her doghouse. And Lilly, the inside dog, is about the size of my forearm and cannot abide the cold. She has devised ways of balancing on one paw while outside, even when going to the bathroom, so to speak. It is both sad and hilarious.

The animals are miserable, and they look at me as if to say, "You are not our person. Our person would fix this. You do not have power over the weather. You are insufficient."

They are right. If I had power over the weather, it would be a balmy 75 degrees all year long, and mostly sunny. All rain would take place at night, and we would never get enough to flood the roads. We would have one annual snowfall, on Christmas Eve, resulting in a white Christmas, but the snow would quickly melt on December 26th. Snow would never stick to the roads, drift, or compact into ice.

In short, we would be living in paradise instead of a subzero arctic hellscape. No records for snowfall would be broken this year (yes, that's happening), and we would never HAVE to wear a coat, unless we wanted to for fashion purposes.

Also, there would be cake. Not in the forecast, just on the table, waiting.

I have developed a sore throat. It is wearing on me, making me less willing to put up with the weather's crap. Stupid life-ruining weather, making me have to drive in snow, making me have to shiver. Creating and then worsening a cold I would otherwise have been immune to, due to overexposure from many coughing library children.

I have decided to make a choice for the family I'm house-sitting for. The whole house, chickens, outbuildings, and dogs are going to be picked up, loaded on to many trucks, and driven down south to a warmer climate. We will return when spring arrives.

It will make things more convenient for them, I think. They'll have a shorter drive home.

Also the chickens will need sunglasses.

That is all.

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