Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Bugs Everywhere

There comes a time every summer when the population of bugs seems to quadruple overnight.

I keep taking walks with Darcy and spending the majority of my time trying to wipe spiderwebs off my face, arms, and out of my hair, all the while hoping the spider wasn't present when I walked through the web.

Last week I was at Walmart, and I felt something keep tickling at my nose. When I was finished buying the library's supplies, I loaded the bags into my trunk, returned the cart, and finally got fed up and scratched the side of my nose. When I pulled my hand away, a tiny spider dangled from a little thread attached to my finger, and I realized that I'd had a spider on my nose possibly for 30 minutes, and no one had told me.

That's what kind of place Walmart is.

I took a bike ride with Mum Sunday and was struck so hard in the forehead by some sort of beetle or fly that it made and audible THUD sound. Also I lost count of the number of gnats that died by smacking into my face and neck. I kept wiping at ticklish spots and coming away with bug corpses.

It was traumatic.

I sat down across from Mum only to have her announce loudly, "A yellow spider is crawling up your leg! It's right there!" She pointed. We both hunted for several minutes for the yellow spider only to realize that she'd imagined the whole thing and we'd both believed it because there are so many crawly things about, there was no doubt that I had a spider on my leg. There were no other spaces available for the spider to live.

We also have a giant spiderweb stretched across our doorway, featuring a big-butt spider, that The Brother opted not to destroy when he went outside last night, meaning that whichever family member goes out via that door today will find out the hard way that a spider now lives there.

Then, I came to work, and I looked up.

Never look up.

Yes, it is exactly what you think it is.

I think I'm going to hide now.


  1. Replies
    1. So you would have nightmares. I broke my phone case taking that picture, you know.

  2. "That's what kind of place Walmart is." ROFLMBO

    1. I should know; I worked there for a whole summer when I was 19. I don't know what was the most traumatizing, the couple of female bikers that decided the top of my jewelry counter was the best place to get to know each other (they thought it was better if I was there to watch), the couple that got engaged and then broke up moments later, or the stoned shirtless boy who needed to buy a gold chain ($13.00 each) and wanted to use layaway.

  3. Laura, no! Spiders are the evil of the Earth, sent to plague us all. Seriously, though, I have no idea how you stand it, much less make humor. I'd have gone insane.

    1. I did go a bit nuts. And then I showed our director, who heroically got a stool and a dozen Kleenexes and disposed of the thing.