Wednesday, August 6, 2014

McDonald's and My Big Nonexistent Gay Wedding

Note: Today I accidentally wiped my background, creating the blog design you see before you. This is added incentive to start work making my blog pretty, because right is nothing. Sorry. Back up your blog before you make changes, folks.

I went to McDonald's today, because they have $1.00 sweet tea. This is a good reason to choose where you eat lunch, even if the food is dreadful. While I sat, eating, I heard a voice behind me steadily cursing. I tried to block out the man's voice, because I'd have rather kept reading my Terry Pratchett novel than listen to profanity, but I could not help but notice that the conversation behind me seemed a sided. I kept reading, trying not to think of why this person was sitting at the booth behind me swearing to no one.

But I am me. I attract the freaks and weirdos, as you know. They come to me, from miles away.

Before I realized the man had left his seat, he was beside me, shaking his laptop in my face. I could only make out the Facebook logo before he began telling me, loudly, that he would never be shopping at Target again.

"It's the closest store to where I live," he proclaimed. "But I won't never go there no more. I can't believe they done this!"

I managed to read the title of the post in question. Target had released a statement in which they endorsed gay marriage.

The man left before I had a chance to reply to him. But I have thought up a few things I think would have really made the situation more interesting, mostly because they would have caused the man's head to explode or his arrest. It would have served him right for interrupting Discworld, not to mention food. It doesn't matter that I was eating dog food McDonalds. It was food. You don't interrupt food with crazy. Crazy waits until after dinner.

List of Things to Say to the Angry Swearing Man at McDonald's
  1. "Who are you, and why are you talking to me?" This is sort of an obvious one, and it would backfire because he would then answer me, beginning a conversation when what I really wanted was to avoid one.
  2. "Good, now I will have less competition for the good stuff in the dollar bins." I think this speaks for itself. Who wants to share the cheap--but awesome--scrapbooking stuff with random freaks that won't appreciate it? Not this girl.
  3. "That won't matter to Target's profits. I buy enough to make up for any loss of revenue." This is sad, and not at all funny, because it is true. I would be way richer if Target did not exist. I spend way too much money there and am powerless to prevent money leaping from my bank account and into Target's. If only they didn't have so many cute things I can't live without.
  4. "Oh, really? I guess you won't be coming to my wedding, then." It does not matter that I am straight, not engaged to anyone, and not even dating right now. The look on his face would have been priceless. I regret that I thought of this comeback whilst driving away from the restaurant after finishing my lunch.
  5. This.

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