Saturday, March 8, 2014

It Finally Happened

I am an accident-prone sort of person. I have fallen down stairs, I have had shelves filled with books give way and dump their contents on my face, I have been stung by wasps, fallen in rivers, been thrown into a pond, almost fallen off a mountain, I've been burned, been stabbed by a knitting needle, had a splinter go so far into my arm that it stayed there for three years, I've slipped on ice, tripped on perfectly smooth sidewalks, on gravel, on tree roots, I've fallen up stairs, tripped and rolled down a hill, I've skinned my knees, elbows, hands, face, and (somehow) my pelvic bones...the list goes on. But until today, I had never been hit by a car.

Today I was hit by a car.

I was walking through the Wendy's parking lot on my way back to work. There was a white four-door Kia sedan in the parking lot. It was occupied but not in gear. The brake lights were not on. The car did not appear to be running.

As I passed behind the car, the driver threw it into reverse and began to back out. He then bothered to check behind him and slammed on the brakes. The car came to rest pressing gently against my left knee.

Now, I will not have a bruise from that. I did not even feel any pain. It felt like a light touch, like when someone touches your arm. Gentle. The only thing I felt was surprise. The dirt and salt on the car did not even leave a mark on my pants. So, I'm perfectly okay. But the fact remains, I was hit by a car today.

The man in the Kia waited for me to finish passing behind his car before he quickly backed up and sped away. He did not even come to a full stop before leaving the Wendy's parking lot. Needless to say, he did not apologize for hitting me (if he was even aware he had), nor did he check to see if I was okay. He just got the heck out of there, as quickly as possible, probably because he didn't want me writing down his license plate number.

It was probably the best stress-test I could have ever taken. It turns out, my heart is in great shape. Luckily, so is my left knee, because if it wasn't, I would have to deal with ANOTHER person's insurance company, and I am just about sick of insurance companies. U.S.A.A. still hasn't doled out all the money for my medical bills from way back in August. So no, thank you, I would really prefer not to have any new injuries. If I'd been hurt by this dude, the first thing I would have done is call my uncle the lawyer, and then make a call to Night Vale and ask the Sheriff's Secret Police to give me a hand bringing down the mighty hammer of justice upon the villainous driver of the white Kia sedan. The driver of the white Kia sedan would be given no mercy. He would have been pursued my unspeakable forces of nightmarish proportions. There would have been no safe place for the driver of the white Kia sedan to go.

But he didn't actually hurt me, even a little bit, so we are cool.

Meanwhile, I can now tell people with great honesty, I was hit by a car.

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