Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The Plank Challenge Is Stupid

Before I start talking about the 30 Day Plank Challenge, I will tell you that I am a big cheater. Cheater-McCheaterpants. I have no shame. I regret nothing. I cheated and would cheat again, given the opportunity.

The reason for my cheating was this: a 30 second plank was boring and too easy. So was a 45 second plank. So was a one minute plank. I skipped ahead to a two minute plank and worked up from there. That is how long Jillian Michaels forces me to stay in plank during every DVD that I use, so that's what my starting number was.

I then cheated some more, mostly due to my own stupidity, jumping up to three minutes and then four minutes and then five, almost at random and without following the instructions. This is because I lost track of days and then figured I should be further ahead than I was, then ended up more ahead than I should have been...it was a problem. Mostly created by my inability to count.

Probably because of all the cheating, I found that my abs could handle the plank for four minutes, but my arms were not interested in doing this. They really hurt, but only when I was using both of them, so I ended up doing a standard plank for three minutes, then a one-armed variation for one minute, then the other arm for the final minute. That's the only way I could make it to five minutes with no violent arm cramps, spasms, or muscle-explosions.

So I don't even know if my plank challenge counts. Whatever. It was stupid and boring. If you're going to do a challenge, do the squat challenge. Do a lunge challenge, or a crunch challenge! Do anything except the plank challenge, which is more boring than sitting in a chair and staring at the plain wall in front of you.

My next challenge is the 30 Day LBD Challenge*, taken from this website. I chose this impulsively after Kelly told me she was doing it, starting today. I thought, "Hey, this is perfect timing!" and then I told her I'd join her without so much as looking at the challenge first. Because that's how I roll, with very little forethought and next to no planning.**

* LBD stands for "little black dress." I guess the purpose of this challenge is to make you look good in a little black dress, but it would take an army of angels and other interventions from on high to make me look good in something like that. Also that name strikes me as pretty sexist.*** But whatever. I am more of a jeans and Harry Potter tee-shirt kind of girl. So this will be the 30 Day Jean-and-Fandom-Tee-Shirt Challenge for me.

** This is a complete lie, because I overthink and plan everything to death. I guess that is not the case with fitness, though. At least one aspect of my life is free of obsessive thinking.

*** I notice the majority of workout DVDs and online fitness stuff is targeted only to women. The instructors even say, "Let's go, ladies!" while looking at the camera, meaning you. This annoys me because what, you can't do a workout DVD if you're a guy? Also, why is it that fitness bloggers and trainers think that we need a "little black dress" workout? Don't we just need fitness and a healthy lifestyle? I find this vexing. So it's the 30 Day JFT Challenge from now on.

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